At one time I was completely consumed with all the internal conflicts and struggles of my psyche. Battles were raging within me, ranging from issues about my origins, sexuality, addiction, depression, and the strangeness in the way I relate to people. Somewhere from that point I have become a pacifist about my soul. I've given up, at least at present, exploring, conquering, mapping, strategizing, fighting and waging the war within. I quit trying to find reasons and causes and quit trying to put labels on all my dysfunctions. It's not that I didn't do some growing during that part of my life, but I wonder towards what ends. I do think it's important that I did examine myself, but I just don't think I found any results of any great worth. When I began to just accept that I am, like all humans, a result of whatever combination of experiences, genetics, randomness and inspiration than make up the people we are, I made a truce with my faults and flaws. What I did discover is that the specifics are not that important, that there's no "great riddle of my life", no thing that I can "solve" that will fix me or make everything all better.
Martin Luther King Jr said, "Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him." I just try to practice that towards myself. Avoiding "internal violence of the spirit". Sometimes I manage to practice that towards others also.
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