Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Tearing Up Paper Hearts

Chains round angels ankles, bear them down to earth. Dear God, reach out to catch them. Pray nightly for a blessing till I can stay awake no more. My hand goes to my mouth, to hold back my breath, and hold in my my fears. To not speak. holding in my breath. Wanting to scream out, then finding no voice to meet my needs.   There's too many voices and too many faces, the clock ticks away at my head and that year mercifully just goes away, more forgotten than most.

Chains round angels ankles, bear them down to earth. Flapping their useless wings. I have been blessed, and blessed, and blessed or so I've been told. Where does innocence go and who's it fooling now? Learn to smile sometimes, cause that is what I do for people that I love, because I crave attention, and approval, and enthusiasm. There's never enough to really spread on anything. Not when I need it, not when I'm hungry. I'm always hungry now.

Chains round angels ankles, bear them down to earth. Fuck 'em. Let them fall. Have you been blessed, and blessed, and blessed till you can't stand no more. Have the lies turned into truth after all these years? I just hide mine better. Hidden, like a a sleeper cell or a Flat Earther, just blending right in. Handing you back penneys you curse and then toss in the ashtray. Worth only enough to not be dropped in the parking lot. My hidden heart, whose beat I never share, nor wear on my sleeve, anymore. It beats only to endure this siege, this week, this disease. Just breathe. Breathe and wait, and act like it's all going to be OK.

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